the official come thru and buss joke thread

[Yoshie]

Knock KnockWho's there?Not Maddy.

[Yoshie]

What's the difference between the Pope and Maddie Mccann.The Pope's gunna die a virgin../

[Guest haze-e]

what worst than MJ babysitting your kids?Mccans taking them on holiday

LOL(this gave me joke time ago)What do u call Heskey in a wig?Chocz

asdahfad[fsdgdfgshdgshjfgjddfjhjdfjfjsgdjgdsjsdjhdshdgshsdfhsfdhsdhdhgsdfhsrhgsfdhdfshdsfhdghdghgdnhdgjhgdjfjdffLoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool.What do you call Obafemi Martins in a red weave?Kurious GyalLMAO - I will never ever forget this bar, Jamal smashed it.

[DINKY]

Why don't black people go on cruises?They're not falling for that one again!After complaints that there aren't enough black people on British television, the BBC have vowed to solve the problem.They are now going to show Crimewatch 7 nights a week. A British Airways flight was headed towards Jamaica when the pilot makes an announcment; "Ladies and Gentlemen, our planes seems to be overloaded and we seem to be losing altitiude. We will be offloading some baggage to help us on our way"... Half an hour later the pilot makes another announcement; "Ladies and Gentlemen we are still overweight and we regret to inform you we will be offloading passengers, but to be fair we will be doing it in alphabetical order""Will all Africans come to the front? Now can the Blacks, Coons and Darkies follow them?"At the back of the plane a black man and his kid are ducked down looking nervous, the son says to his dad, "Dad, aren't we all of those people?" To which the father replies in a whisper, "yes son, but today we are NIGGERS"Why do black people have red eyes after sex?Because of all the mace!Why do black people have white palms?A. Because there's a bit of good in everyone.Why do niggers call white people honkies?Because thats the last noise they hear before getting run over

[Ego]

what worst than MJ babysitting your kids?Mccans taking them on holiday

LOL(this gave me joke time ago)What do u call Heskey in a wig?Chocz

[Ego]

LOLdoctor is killing it

[DINKY]

A Polish immigrant went to apply for a driver's license. He sent off all the forms and all was fine but he was asked to take an eye test.So off he goes and gets himself an appointment the same day, and sits down in the examining chair.The optician showed him a card with the letters'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'"Can you read this?" the optician asked."Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."What is long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?A new last name.

[bane]

After leaving Stamford Bridge Jose was asked if he was going to help Spurs get out of their slump.He turned around and said "f*ck off, I ain't THAT special"100 years ago, 20 white men chasing a black man was called the Klu Klux Klan.Now it's called Formula 1.(Newspaper headline above picture of Lewis Hamilton on the podium)"CELEBRATIONS AS YOUNG BLACK MAN IN EXPENSIVE CAR IS NOT STOPPED BY POLICE"Congratulations to Madeleine McCann - 2007 Hide and Seek European Championships winner!Drinks: 20 euroTapas for four: 50 euroGetting all-expense paid trips round the world simply by leaving your kids behind with the doors and windows open: PricelessThere are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MaddieCard.What's the difference between the McCanns and other parents?When other parents bury their kid in sand at the beach for a laugh, they dig them back out afterwards."Knock Knock.""Who's there?""Well it ain't Maddie."

[smaddy]

what worst than MJ babysitting your kids?Mccans taking them on holiday

LOL(this gave me joke time ago)What do u call Heskey in a wig?Chocz

ahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAA

[Medic]

Knock Knock whos there?MisbahMisbah who?Misbah 5 runs!!(cricket ting, india vs pakistan).

:D

[DINKY]

This Big black prostitute who was also a Chelsea fan, got a tattoo of John Terry and Frank Lampard on the inside of her thighs.She says to her punter "If you can guess who they are you get a free shag".He looks to the left and then to the right and says "I dunno who those ugly bastards are but the one in the middle with the fat lips and curly hair is Shaun Wright-Philips!A Ukranian woman bumps into Chelsea footy team at a nightclub. She goes up to John Terry and asks him to sign her left breast, he says yes so she lifts up her top and he signs it. She then asks Drogba to sign her right breast, he also says yes so she lifts up her top again and he signs it. She then asks Jose Mourinho to sign her "lady's area", Jose says yes and she pulls down her knickers, to which he replies, "Actually on second thoughts I'll pass- the last time I signed a Ukrainian twat it cost me £30 million."

[Lord Have-mercy]

I had a bet that Pavarotti would live to 100...I lost a tenor *My last death joke for tonight*

[Guest haze-e]

This Big black prostitute who was also a Chelsea fan, got a tattoo of John Terry and Frank Lampard on the inside of her thighs.She says to her punter "If you can guess who they are you get a free shag".He looks to the left and then to the right and says "I dunno who those ugly bastards are but the one in the middle with the fat lips and curly hair is Shaun Wright-Philips!LMFAO - Had to read twice to clock proper but its nuffin.

[smaddy]

[Guest Vegeta]

looool

[skankin' out]

Why don't black people go on cruises?They're not falling for that one again!After complaints that there aren't enough black people on British television, the BBC have vowed to solve the problem.They are now going to show Crimewatch 7 nights a week. A British Airways flight was headed towards Jamaica when the pilot makes an announcment; "Ladies and Gentlemen, our planes seems to be overloaded and we seem to be losing altitiude. We will be offloading some baggage to help us on our way"... Half an hour later the pilot makes another announcement; "Ladies and Gentlemen we are still overweight and we regret to inform you we will be offloading passengers, but to be fair we will be doing it in alphabetical order""Will all Africans come to the front? Now can the Blacks, Coons and Darkies follow them?"At the back of the plane a black man and his kid are ducked down looking nervous, the son says to his dad, "Dad, aren't we all of those people?" To which the father replies in a whisper, "yes son, but today we are NIGGERS"Why do black people have red eyes after sex?Because of all the mace!Why do black people have white palms?A. Because there's a bit of good in everyone.Why do niggers call white people honkies?Because thats the last noise they hear before getting run over

eyrtdysyegytwesyruyhrtayrweyeuryi0p-[';0[79i8uiptguypo80p-9=p8yo98p978798p087i7oLOLOLOLOL

[DINKY]

A Scouser inadvertently goes into a gay bar for a beer. He sits at the bar supping his pint when one gay gentleman decides to chance his luck. He approaches the Scouser and whispers something into his ear, whereupon the Liverpudlian turns around in complete disgust and horror and proceeds to punch the living f*ck out of the homosexual, fist after fist punching him out the door, kicking him across the pub car park, relentlessly punching and kicking until the victim lay comatose. The Scouser then dusted himself down and calmly returned to his pint at the bar, whilst the horrified staff and clientèle stood silent and motionless.Eventually, the barman plucks up the courage to ask what had happened:Barman: "Bloody hell mate. What on earth did he whisper to you?"Scouser: "Dunno, but it was something about a 'job'."What's the difference between a gay and a microwave?A microwave won't brown your sausage.This gay bloke tells his boyfriend that he has got a nice new tattoo on his arse as a special treat for him, so anyway he pulls his pants down and bends over to reveal Mike Tyson on the right cheek, and Lennox Lewis on the other, his boyfriend shrieks "Oh, my god, there's no way I'm getting into the ring with those two f*ckers!"

[skankin' out]

100 years ago, 20 white men chasing a black man was called the Klu Klux Klan.Now it's called Formula 1.

ROTFLMFAO!!!!

[bane]

What do you call a black person in a tree with a briefcase?Branch manager.What's a rapists idea of foreplay?"Don't scream or I'll cut you, bitch."How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?You ever try to take a rib from a nigger?How do you blindfold a chink?Dental floss.How do chinks name their kids?They throw silverware down the stairs.Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.Why do decent white folks shop at nigger yard sales?To get all their stuff back.(no jade goody)

[skankin' out]

what did the african say as he waqlked accross the zebra crossing?now you see me, now you dont

[DINKY]

Alex Ferguson flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football and is impressed and arranges for him to come over to England.Two weeks later the Manchester United are 4-0 down to Chealsea with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.The lad is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for United! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football."Hello mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me. It's wonderful!""Wonderful?! " says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day."Your father got shot and robbed in the street, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother was beheaded by masked men, all while you were having such a wonderful time."The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry.""Sorry?!! Sorry?!!" says his mum, "It's your bloody fault we moved to Manchester in the first place!"A Somali arrives in London as a new immigrant to England.He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr English man for letting me in this country, giving me free housing, free food stamps, free medical care, free education and all wonderful social monetary benefits!"The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Polish."The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in England!"The person says, "I am not English, I am from Croatia."The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful England!"That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Iran, I am not English!"He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an English?"She says, "No, I am from Iraq!"Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the English people?"The Iraqi lady checks her watch and says ...."Probably at work."

[Diabolic Kid]

What has eight legs and scares people?A gang of rapists.What do you call a chav in a tastfully decorated house?The burglar.

[serpent]

why did the hand cross the road?to get to the second hand shop

[bane]

Martin Jol goes to the doctors and says "doctor every time I look in the mirror I get turned on" the doctor says "I'm not surprised you're a c*nt!"Gareth Gates walked into a sweetshop for a Mars bar.He came out with 50 packets of M&MsTwo guys are sentenced to death, they get up on the scaffold, the priest does the last rites, the prison governor does his little speech. Then he turns to the two guys and says, "You can have one last request each, what will it be?" he asks the first guy."Well I love James Blunt, could I hear that lovely song "Your beautiful" one last time?""No problem," says the governor, "What about you?" he asks the other prisoner."Can I go first?"What has more brains that Kurt Cobain?The wall behind him.How does Kurt Cobain collect his thoughts?With a mop.What was the last thing that went through Kurt Cobain's mind when he shot himself?The roof of his mouth.Courtney: "Kurt was on the TV this morning"Friend: "Gee, that guy gets everywhere!"Courtney: "I know, he was all over the walls too, and the sofa..."

[DINKY]

What do Iraqis and Fred Flintstone have in common?They both wake up in the morning and say hi to rubble!