Jump to content

www.fmylife.com

Eskay Jones

By Eskay Jones
in Whatever

 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 95
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Guest Medic

Guest Medic

Posted
Posted
LOL@That hamster one. peoples minds are f*cked.
Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML
I laughed at this one aswell. Good site.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
JOHN DOE Newbie

JOHN DOE

Posted
Posted
Today, this really attractive woman that I've known for years told me that when I can have sex with her standing up, she'll have sex with me. I'm confined to a wheelchair. FML
Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML
LOL
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Black Ant Newbie

Black Ant

Posted
Posted
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
HAHAHAHAHAHAFGHFDSHFDNJSADRGNJGFWJSGKMY FRMS GBSXMDTMSKYR,
hilarious
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Em Dott Newbie

Em Dott

Posted
Posted
Today, I turned 18. Nothing was said at breakfast, but I figured they'd remember and we'd have cake at night. I came home and there was cake, but not for me. My sister got her period for the first time during the day and they were celebrating. Apparently, a vaginal discharge was more important. FML
LOL
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Lemons

Guest Lemons

Posted
Posted
Today, I was on top of my boyfriend having sex and I was looking away doing my thing. When I looked back, my boyfriend had headphones on and was playing air drums. FML
Today, I drove past a firehouse that had volunteer firemen taking collections. I take out a $20 and start to roll the window down when I remember my window was broken. I ended up driving by, holding the $20 against the window, staring at the fireman. Now the fireman thinks I was taunting him. FML
Lulz
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Hernandez Balcazar Newbie

Hernandez Balcazar

Posted
Posted
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
HAHAHAHAHAHAFGHFDSHFDNJSADRGNJGFWJSGKMY FRMS GBSXMDTMSKYR,
hilarious
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: sick one
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Em Dott Newbie

Em Dott

Posted
Posted
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
LMAO
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Hernandez Balcazar Newbie

Hernandez Balcazar

Posted
Posted
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
LMAO
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: f*ck OFFFFToday, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I proceeded to pee on myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Em Dott Newbie

Em Dott

Posted
Posted
PAR
Today, was my birthday. I purposely didn't log onto facebook all day so that I could read all my birthday wishes at once. When I logged on at the end of the day I had one notification. My "friend" had commented on a picture of me, saying I looked like jabba the hut. FML
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Hernandez Balcazar Newbie

Hernandez Balcazar

Posted
Posted
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
Today, my husband dropped me off at work, ten minutes later I got a text saying" I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said he "I dont know what youre talking about Megan". My name isnt Megan, not even close. FML
Today, I was talked into having sex with my boyfriend of 4 years. I had always wanted to wait till marriage but my boyfriend convinced me otherwise. Once we were done, he said he could never marry me because I was no longer pure. FML
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Hernandez Balcazar Newbie

Hernandez Balcazar

Posted
Posted

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FMLToday, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FMLToday, I told my mom about my night terrors in which I am laying in a ditch with people shooting at me, and I have no ammunition to defend myself. She told me I should stop being such a whiny bitch, and to grow up and be a man. I am 20 and got back from Iraq 10 months ago. FMLToday, I had to make a family tree for one of my classes. When I was going through it, I realized that both my parents have the same last name. So, I asked them about it and they told me that they are second cousins. FMLToday I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddly resembled sex sounds my wife makes. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be mommy from last night." I was on a business trip last night. FMLToday, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FMLsites funny

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Em Dott Newbie

Em Dott

Posted
Posted
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years having sex with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!!". April Fools was 12 days ago. FML
LOL
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...